Jokes

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo...

...I had to put my foot down

Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

Because every play has a cast.

When life gives you melons...

...you might be dyslexic.

You'll never be as lazy...

...as whoever named the fireplace

So what if I don't know what 'Armageddon' means...

...it's not the end of the world

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

I used to think I was indecisive...

...but now I'm not too sure

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory...

...all I did was take a day off!

Will glass coffins be a success?

Remains to be seen

What do you call a fish wearing a crown?

A kingfish

Geology rocks...

...but geography is where it's at

I've just written a song about tortillas...

...actually, it's more of a rap

I hate Russian dolls...

...they're so full of themselves

I have a few jokes about unemployed people...

...but none of them work

The future, the present, and the past walk into a bar...

...things got a little tense.